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"My girlfriend dumped me because she says I 'wasn't there' when we made love. She's not the first to say this. I know something's wrong. Can hypnotherapy help me?"
Your sexual dysfunction means you engage in sex more as an observer than as a participant.
You hold yourself back from entering a trance state; you have difficulty "letting go."
There are several ways in which a qualified hypnotherapist can help you to conquer this problem. Before using hypnosis it is essential that you receive competent medical advice.
Hypnotherapy will have a particular focus depending on whether the problem is organic or psychological.
Organic sexual problems require medical intervention. Hypnotherapy may be used as an adjunct, for instance, in helping you to heal faster after an operation.
More frequently, sexual difficulties treated by a hypnotherapist concern psychological issues.
Since the process deals with your mind all sexual activity during hypnotherapy takes place only in your imagination.
What you learn through hypnotherapy is practiced privately elsewhere.
Hypnotherapy may be used to heighten your sensual involvement and to help you to be fully present while engaging in sex.
A common, effective use of hypnotherapy is to lower your anxiety.
The anticipation of failure (particularly for men anxious about their ability to have or to maintain an erection) brings on anxious feelings.
These in turn bring about the failure. Hypnotherapy ends this vicious circle and replaces the anticipation of failure with the certainty of success and confidence.
Traditional sex therapy methods are more readily accepted by you when in hypnosis because the conscious, judgmental, analytical part of your mind is temporarily set aside.
Your subconscious then absorbs the new, positive messages you've asked the hypnotherapist to create.
Precisely because hypnosis taps into the autonomic nervous system, a person can use it to improve or alter functions that normally happen without conscious control, e.g., a man's erection.
Charles, a 27-years-old former sailor and currently an electrician, consulted a hypnotherapist because he was too fearful to have sex with his wife.
They'd been married three years and had had sexual difficulties since the birth of their daughter eight months previously. Charles was afraid he'd been embarrassed once again if he tried to make love.
"Kim laughed at me the first time and now she just gives me a look of disgust." Why? Because he couldn't maintain an erection.
Charles felt humiliated and frustrated; he worried that he'd never again have satisfactory sex with his wife. His dream of fathering a son seemed unattainable.
He told the hypnotherapist that he had no problem masturbating when alone. This was a likely indicator that Charles' problem was psychological, not organic.
As was Charles' report that he always had a firm erection when having sex with the occasional housewife in whose home he was doing electrical work.
To be on the safe side, the hypnotherapist advised Charles to be examined by a medical specialist to be absolutely sure there was no organic cause for his ED.
The doctor confirmed that Charles' trouble was "100 per cent psychogenic," meaning that for some emotional or psychological reason, he could not maintain an erection.
Of course, the more Charles tried, and the more he worried, the more flaccid was his penis.
The hypnotherapist explained to Charles that hypnosis could be used to uncover the cause of his trouble, or to tackle the symptom, or both.
Charles, being the impatient type, and of course eager to end his humiliating experiences, opted for the "quick fix."
Over the course of three sessions of hypnotherapy, Charles relived successful love-making episodes from his younger years as a Navy "stud."
Then the therapist used a melding technique to encourage Charles to see himself (in his imagination, while hypnotized) from now on once again enjoying a full, firm erection well beyond the time needed to satisfy his partner.
Positive suggestions were also made by the hypnotherapist to Charles about his prowess, his confidence and his desirability to his wife.
For three months Charles and Kim had a wonderful sex life. Then he lost an erection just as foreplay had become hot and heavy.
Kim, hurt and disappointed, reacted with sarcasm. All Charles' fears and anxieties rushed back. He returned to the hypnotherapist.
This time Charles agreed to investigate the cause of his impotence.
The hypnotherapist used various approaches -- age regression, age progression (in which the "future" Charles was to explain how he'd conquered the problem) analogue symbolic imagery -- but nothing worked.
In a subsequent session, with Charles relaxed in hypnosis, the therapist told Charles he'd have a dream. His subconscious would provide this dream as a way, either directly or symbolically, to explain the origin of his impotence.
Three nights later Charles dreamed he was outside a factory. It was night time and the factory loomed dark and mysterious.
Charles felt a strong urge to scale the steel fence that surrounded the factory. Then he tried to find away in. All the doors were shut and padlocked. A security guard ("very scary, because he had my face," said Charles) told him to go away.
But Charles persisted in his eagerness to enter the factory. He ran from the guard, to the back of the building. Here was the loading dock. Charles saw a bulldozer there. He jumped into its cab and began to operate the controls.
The guard reappeared, feebly told Charles to get off the property, to go to his own place. In the distance, Charles could see a stately castle which he somehow knew belonged to him.
But his only interest was in the dark factory. The guard shrugged. Charles started up the bulldozer and charged the heavy machine toward the small back door of the factory.
As the bulldozer began to rumble forward, Charles awoke -- with a massive erection.
The dream puzzled Charles. But it enlightened the therapist. To him it revealed that Charles was in the grip of the Madonna/Whore complex.
This is the attitude that divides women into "good" and "bad." Thus, a man's wife and especially mother, are "good." Prostitutes, other men's wives and and women of ethnic groups other than the man's own, are "bad."
"Bad" women are exciting; "good" women are boring. Sex is forbidden with "good" women but possible with the "bad."
A man with this complex may have sex with his wife occasionally, or until she becomes a mother, or while a post-hypnotic suggestion lasts. But his heart is not in it. Neither is his penis.
However, with a "bad" woman he has no commitment, no respect. She is there to be used.
His conscience (the security guard) barely bothers him about penetrating the stranger (the dark factory) but, perversely, does prevent him enjoying "his" woman (the castle).
When Charles heard this explanation, he nodded in agreement. This was indeed his view. And that of his father, uncle and most of his friends. He had no serious interest in changing this outlook, especially since Kim had announced she was pregnant. The hypnotherapist's suggestion that Charles and Kim seek marriage counselling fell on deaf ears.
A lawyer we shall call Mathilde did seek help from a psychotherapist. She had told the referring doctor that she rarely had an orgasm. The truth was that Mathilde never had an orgasm -- with her husband.
She'd been faking it for years. But she had climaxed with previous boyfriends. Also during a two-night stand a few months ago.
Mathilde had been a speaker at a lawyers' convention a thousand miles from home. There she met Roger, a brooding electrical engineer who had been trouble-shooting the hotel's elevators.
"He was not particularly good-looking but he had these soft grey eyes," Mathilde confided to the therapist. She smiled. "He was brutal in bed."
Mathilde was mildly surprised to find herself telling the male therapist details she had not felt comfortable confiding to her female doctor.
There was no question of her wanting to leave the marriage. She loved her husband, had a marvellous life. All that was missing ws the joy of orgasm. It was something she yearned for.
Until she met Roger the lack of orgasms with her husband had not bothered her much. Mathilde had become used to pretending -- and to satisfying herself in secret.
The therapist faced two dilemmas:
i) perhaps, despite Mathilde's conscious denials, there was some problem between her and her husband
ii) the therapist usually worked with couples, not individuals, on such sexual challenges.
He decided that, given the husband was not present and would be unlikely to come to future sessions, he would work with Mathilde, and he would use hypnotherapy. If the outcome was successful, there would be no need to explore possible conflicts between husband and wife.
First the therapist explained a little about hypnosis and how it could help Mathilde. Her first session was devoted to her simply relaxing into hypnosis, and becoming familiar with how safe and peaceful it felt.
In Mathilde's second and third sessions of hypnosis the therapist suggested Mathilde silently relive an earlier experience of orgasm.
In her mind she was to take particular note of the physical and emotional feelings which allowed her to climax.
When the orgasm in her imagination was over she would open her eyes, though remain in hypnosis.
Then the therapist pointed out, and Mathilde confirmed, that she had been internally very relaxed just prior to making love. And that during foreplay and intercourse, she became "lost" in the pleasure.
The therapist asked Mathilde to again close her eyes and this time to imagine herself in bed with her husband. Again she could relive the details silently, no need to tell the therapist anything, except when the imagined lovemaking was over.
When Mathilde compared the earlier experience with how she felt when making love with her husband she immediately noticed her tension.
"I am not relaxed and I don't get lost in the act." Sometimes she thought about cases she was working on and at other times she focused on making sure her husband was satisfied.
In the next part of the session the therapist first gave Mathilde suggestions that she could allow herself to relax with her husband, that she could allow herself to climax with him.
The therapist again waited silently while Mathilde played the scene through in her mind.
When she signalled (with a broad smile) that the scene had reached a successful end, the therapist closed the session with positive suggestions about Mathilde allowing herself to be relaxed, focused on pleasure and allowed to climax when making love with her husband.
And so it was.
* * *
Hypnotherapy has also been used successfully to overcome other sexual problems such as overlubrication, exhibitionism, and to uncover the reason a client became a transvestite.
Before seeking help with a sexual difficulty it is important to be sure it really is a problem. For example, a man may go to a therapist because he believes he suffers from premature ejaculation. But if the man is married to a woman who dislikes sex, indeed "wants it over with as soon as possible," that's exactly what is happening, so where's the problem?
Twenty-five years old Eugene's problem was real enough: he could not become erect. A handsome, single, bus driver, Eugene had had several medical examinations; all the doctors had concluded there was no medical cause for his impotence.
At first, hypnotherapy did not help Eugene. He became more and more despondent about his failure, scared to date and unable to sleep at night.
The hypnotherapist had used approaches one or more of which usually resolve psychogenic impotence:
> positive suggestions
> aversive therapy
> satisfying imagery
> arm rigidity
But nothing worked.
The hypnotherapist finally decided to enlist the guidance of Eugene's subsconscious through finger signalling and direct relay of images in response to questions.
(With finger signalling -- also known as an ideodynamic technique -- a hypnotized person allows the subconscious to answer questions with predesignated fingers that represent "Yes," "No," "Don't Know," and "Not yet ready to answer").
This approach proved fruitful, although at first puzzling.
Hypnotherapist: "I'm going to ask your subconscious some questions. There's no need for you to think about the questions or the answers. Simply allow your subconscious to respond through the fingers it has selected.
You will probably feel a tingling begin in the finger that the subsconscious selects. Then it will lift as though of its own accord.
Now, I'd like to ask your subconscious if there is a purpose served by Eugene's impotence?"
[This question is often answered "yes" and subsequently leads to an explanation such as a desire to punish self or partner for some reason].
[Fimger responses are indicated with ( )].
Eugene: (No).
H: "Does the cause of the problem lie in Eugene's past?"
E: (Yes).
[This response steered the hypnotherapist along the wrong path. He took no account of the literalness with which the subconscious absorbs information. Consequently, the hypnotherapist understood the "Yes" response to mean that there was a specific event, a trauma or a message, that began Eugene's impotence. As was later revealed, the "cause in the past" referred, not to a particular event, but to an ongoing process.]
H: "Did the cause happen before Eugene was 20?"
E: (Yes).
H: "Did the cause happen before Eugene was 15?"
E: (Yes).
H: "Before 10?"
E: (No).
[Now the hypnotherapist, who erroneously assumes some single event happened, switches from finger responses to image responses].
H: "Okay. I'm going to ask the subconscious to present to your mind an image that is somehow connected to the problem we're dealing with."
E: "I'm in a shop. I don't know how old I am but a man picks me up. I'm very scared. He holds me to him. Someone else comes in and tells the man to put me down."
[The hypnotherapist thinks that it is possible something happened in the shop to subsequently cause Eugene to become impotent. However, further questioning reveals that Eugene sees little more than he has already reported. There appears to be no abuse, no negative messages (such as "You'll never be a man.")
The session is drawing to a close so the therapist reverts to ideomatic questioning. He decided to check the medical verdicts].
H: "Does the problem have any medical basis to it?"
E: [Long pause]. (No).
H: "Is there something physical that would help?"
E: (No).
H: "Is there something missing in Eugene's diet, or something he should not be eating or drinking?"
E: (Don't know/don't want to answer yet).
[Eugene snaps out of hypnosis, much to his own surprise. In previous sessions for other problems Eugene had enjoyed hypnosis so much he had been reluctant to emerge. He puts himself back into hypnosis].
H: "Okay. Our time is nearly up. I want to thank your subconscious for its help. I'm now asking it to provide you with a dream that will give you a strong indication on how to solve the problem that brought you here."
[Eugene once again snaps out of hypnosis].
H: "Wow. We're clearly close to something significant, otherwise you wouldn't come out so suddenly."
E: "I don't understand why. But while you were talking about me having a dream something floated into my mind: smoking."
H: [Incredulous]. "You smoke!"
E: "Yes, a lot."
H: "There you are. That's what your subconscious was telling us: the cause of your impotence is smoking! Have you stopped before?"
E: "Yes. For a while."
H: "And did you have erections okay then?"
E: [Thinks back]. "Yes, I did. I did."
[And the shop? Why did the subconscious throw that memory into Eugene's mind? Perhaps because the shop sold cigarettes.]
Copyright (c) 2005 Bryan M. Knight
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Shaving the family jewels can be lots of work, particularly if you've never done it before. It may take you up to an hour to do it the first time. Don't get all macho and make sure you invest in aftercare. Under no circumstances use an electric razor, the only thing it will do is cause’ you PAIN!
The easiest way to shave your crotch is to start at the bottom. Pull up everything with one hand and embark on shaving from in between your legs upward. Be very careful around the center of the scrotum, since your skin is particularly tender there. Afterward do both sides and finally concentrate on the top of your scrotum, preferably before working on and above your penis. By working at it this way you'll have the hardest parts completed first.
So why go through all the trouble of shaving your pubes? Check out the bonuses that make spending all the extra bathroom time worth every minute.
Most men worry obsessively about the hair on their heads yet rarely give some though about the pubic hairs. But when that hot babe comes along, only then do we realize that maybe spending some time on the magic stick could help us at action time.
Mr. Clean. The penis is a focal point for heat, sweat, and bacteria. Removing your pubic hair makes that area much easier to keep clean, and more notably, smelling clean and manly. She's more likely to explore that area up close if it's well maintained.
If you remove most or all of her pretexts, to performing oral sex on you, isn't it worth the trouble? Pay special attention to removing stray hairs from your shaft. You don't want her choking on your pubes.
Don't Forget The Scrotum. A woman's body is playground of softness and smoothness, so don't you think she'll appreciate the same on you? Silky smooth balls invite both manual and oral affection. She's far more likely to play down there if she doesn't have to use a weed whacker to find it.
The Empire State Building on your crotch! Need I say more? You will swear that you gained at the very least an extra inch in length! If your crotch is not groomed regularly, you probably have pubic hair at least part way up your shaft. Your penis seems to begin where that pubic hair ends. Remove the underbrush and whip out the real magic stick.
Note that some people experience moderate to intense itching the first couple of days after shaving as the pubic hair grows back. Try your first shave on a weekend you avoid moving around like ants in your pants on Monday the itching should decrease or stop if you continue to groom yourself frequently.
And just in case the boys on in the locker room start making fun of you, first and foremost ask them why are they checking you out, especially why are the looking at your dick. In the embarrassed silence that follows, tell them why you did it, that you're having twice as much sex as they are, and what most women won't do with them, they're more than happy to do with you! Then if you feel like it, let them in on your secret.
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Franchising Trade Journals do not do well, because today with all the industry regulations only about 1800 active franchise actually exist in the US. Down sharply over the past five years. Why? Over-regulation. Now you have a Bank Cooperative, which owns a company that collect data, FranData of Uniform Franchise Offering Circulars, which are the industries required disclosure documents to new franchise buyers. The company sells it to attorneys and to competitors of which many probably are financed through that bank. My God can this be real. Then they work with industry Trade Journals to do Top 50 franchises lists, but to be qualified to be reviewed they of course wish to see your UFOC; Uniform Franchise Offering Circular.
So what is the deal with this purported 50 Fastest New Franchise List? Is it real? Does it matter if it is? After all once a Franchisor decides to participate they have just given their life's work to someone who will sell the data including the names addresses and phone numbers of each and every one of your franchisees to your competitors or to franchise industry salesmen who will never stop harassing you or your company and to the over seas competitors who want to come into this country and take you customers and end use customers of your franchise families income. You think this is acceptable?
It is unbelievable to think that this is acceptable, in a time when Accounting Firms and Agencies cannot advise and audit or a time when the NYSE is splitting up it's executive and regulating boards. This whole thing smells of Conflict of interest, anti-trust laws, misrepresentation of intent. Meanwhile the SBA, a government agency, paid by us is paying this company or has given them an exclusive to collect this data for their SBA registry of franchising companies to streamline loan application process times? Holly conflict of interest; can you believe that the industry has there penis so far up the regulating agencies rear end that they allow this?
Then a lady who called our company had the nerve to ask us to participate with them in a survey, so she can help us get more publicity? No; so their company can give away our information to those companies who cannot compete with us head on in the market place, because they are either to incompetent or too lazy to offer better service and lower prices to the consumer. Instead they are willing to pay for all our secrets via a group financed by government contracts at the SBA, which is really involved in industry spying? Wow, for an agency like the SBA which is suppose to help people in achieving their American Dream, they have allowed and exclusive contract to a company that wants to put the screws to the next Ray Kroc, up and coming franchise concept?
Pathetic, typical Washington, "It's who you know and who you BLOW" attitude, literally. You can bet that http://www.Franchising.org is going to get to the bottom of this, meanwhile if you are an up and coming franchisor and you want to succeed, then realize who you are dealing with before you allow the important data that makes your business possible out of your sight. Franchise Buyers must be screened carefully, do not hand over your information, data, financial audit, or profile without weighing the benefits first. Be sure to ask questions of these companies who claim to be helping you in some way? Yah sure, they are going out of their way to help you? Since when has anyone besides a new franchisor; ever done that in your life? Since when has someone gone out of their way to assist you in building your franchise company?
What we see here is an undermining of the entire Friedman Economic Model, which dictates free markets, which is run by a company which profits from screwing over the little guy. Last time I checked it was new smaller businesses and expanding businesses, which provided jobs. Not the government or attorneys, speaking of which wasn’t it great watching that lawyer hide behind the tree the other day trying not to be shot buy a guy he ripped off; I think that happened at a California court house last year?
In my opinion FranData a subsidiary of the National Bank Cooperative is violating the intent if not the letter of the law as it relates to anti-trust. And it is our opinion that only a D.C. Company could get way with such a conflict of interest working in cahoots with a government agency, which literally gives out money. Have you seen the fall out rates of SBA loans? It is also our opinion that we were lied to by FranData for them to secure more information from our company to give, actually sell, to our competitors. What started out as a nice contract for a Black African American businessman has been manipulated and then sold to a Bank Cooperative, which uses this data through a subsidiary to profit of the sale of said data to competitors.
Does this affect our team? Our Company, the franchise business I have been working on for 27 years? Well, it could if we give our data to these people to sell online. But still these companies buying the data will see we do not take prisoners in the marketplace. However for a small franchisor starting out, it could spell disaster. Every time we see these things, we are more resolved to get out there and kick ass against those who manipulate the system, break the law or think they can take the easy way out to compete with us. My advice for this new franchise entrepreneur, Watch Out, things are not as they appear and it is politics as usual in the Belt Way. Think about it.
Additional thoughts on this subject
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If, like the majority of men in later life, you begin to experience problems with urinating then there is a good chance that you are suffering from a swollen or enlarged prostate. This condition, which is also known as BPH (benign prostatic hyperplasia or benign prostatic hypertrophy), will affect about half of the male population by the age of 60 and rise to about ninety percent of all men by the time they reach 80 years of age.
Many men suffering from BPH will experience little if any enlarged prostate symptoms, but others will develop a range of symptoms associated with urinating including the need to strain in order to urinate, a weak or slow flow which starts and stops, a feeling that they have not emptied their bladder following urination, the need to urinate frequently and often with urgency and frequent awakening during the night to urinate.
In the early stages of BPH these symptoms are caused by the enlarging prostate pressing on the urethra and restricting the flow of urine from the bladder. At this point the bladder is able to counter this to a certain extend by simply contracting more strongly to force urine through the constricted urethra. As time goes by however, and the enlargement of the prostrate continues, a point will be reached at which the bladder cannot force all of its contents through the urethra and the bladder can no longer empty completely.
The restriction of the urethra and the inability to regularly flush out the bladder can also give rise to repeated urinary tract infections leading to a burning sensation or pain when urinating. Stones may also form in the bladder and this can lead to a complete blockage of the urethra and an inability to urinate at all. This is known as acute urinary retention and should be treated as a medical emergency.
As a general rule the presence of enlarged prostate symptoms does not in itself mean that treatment is required and many men will simply live with these symptoms as long as they are not bothered by them too much. This said, enlarged prostate symptoms can also indicate the presence of other problems, or indeed mask other problems, and it is always advisable to consult your doctor and get an accurate diagnosis before deciding to let things be.
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In 1976, 413 high school runners in Finland competed in a 2000-meter race. At the time of the race and in a follow-up study twenty-five years later, the faster runners had much lower blood pressures than the slower ones (International Journal of Sports Medicine, July-August 2005.)
The researchers wanted to know whether a maximal endurance test to measure aerobic fitness in adolescence would predict hypertension in adults. This is the first study to show that faster teen age runners have lower blood pressures and that the lower blood pressures persist long after they stop running. In their teens, the faster runners were more fit than the slower runners, and their dedication may have persisted into later life; or the faster teen-age runners may have had some physiological advantage that kept their blood pressure lower and made them less likely to suffer heart attacks in later life. Either the faster runners were genetically superior to the slower runners, or something in their lifestyles made them faster as teenagers and also caused them to have lower blood pressures throughout their lives. Either way, the findings of this study should encourage early participation in sports and lifelong exercise habits.
Sometimes doctors mistake a large, strong healthy heart caused by vigorous exercise with the large, weak, sick heart of cardiomyopathy. A report from University College London Hospitals describes the case of a professional athlete who was prohibited from playing football because doctors didn’t order the right tests (European Journal of Echocardiology, August 2005).
In cardiomyopathy, the enlargement is caused by the heart’s inability to pump blood through the body at rest because of poor pumping power and inability to fill adequately with blood. A person with this condition can die during exercise. On the other hand, people who exercise vigorously over many years can develop a very large muscular heart which is stronger than normal and far less likely to suffer any disease. If this patient had an echocardiogram and treadmill exercise tests read by a physician experienced with athletes, he would not have been diagnosed with cardiomyopathy.
